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Digital Love

I've been struggling with this awful insomnia for weeks now, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming. =D And... last night I had a dream about you, in this dream I'm dancing right beside you. And it looked like everyone was having fun, a kind of feeling I waited so long. Don't stop, come a little closer. As we jam the rhythm gets stronger. There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun. We were dancing all night long. The time is right to put my arms around you, you're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too. But suddenly I feel the shining sun, before I knew it this dream was all gone. Ooh, I don't know what to do, about this dream and you, I wish this dream comes true. Ooh, I don't know what to do, about this dream and you, we'll make this dream come true.

And LoL, we are playing the game.

Lovely Miss G

Last night was really an eye opener! Talking about things that're bothering us, about our experiences with this and that. Gosh, we have so much in common, I enjoy her company as much as she does mine, I believe. Being presumptuous, I think that we are indeed very compatible, we get along just fine. A perfect match. But there's something missing, that certain spark between two people. This situation reminds me so much of the thing that happened between Meg Ryan and Greg Kinnear in You've Got Mail.

Pretty much, it's like a book

Life, that is. There are no clean slates, you can't always start all over again. There will always be remnants of your past; there to haunt you, there to reminisce about. No matter how you try to change yourself, your past will always chase you, like your shadow. The past is a culmination of your experiences, it defines the person that you are now. What's done is done, even if you try and force yourself to deny such things, simply put, it's tantamount to lying to yourself, not accepting who you are. This is not the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, this is life. Though it may be shitty for you, but sweet for the other person, all you can do is accept it. Nevertheless, you can always change it, your future. There is no such thing as destiny, there is no such thing as fortune, you make your own fortune.

On Paper

Utilizing HR

I've learned a lot of things from the ORGABEH book, but the most important thing is about Personality. I've learned to assess people just by talking to them, small talk even. "The thing" ended abruptly, I didn't know that that was coming. Even so, as a very good HR student, I've learned to plan at once and salvage whatever it is that's left. Parting may hurt a lot but it won't stop my deadpan determination from grabbing life by its balls. It's not how hard you fall down, it's how fast you get up, and I can say is that I already got up and am already on the road. I've been thinking that this maybe the end of the 6th Chapter, but then I thought that this blog is all about my happiness, as to how I will attain it and as to how it will last; then the next chapter'll begin. This reminds me oh so much oh U2's song, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Something old? Something new? Both.

Your timing couldn't have been any better. Got this thing on tuesday wherein I'd be with an old friend. Rose-girl. I couldn't recall why she ever gave me a rose back then, heh, hopefully I'll find out. This thing of ours would consist of a simple dinner then a night out in the gimik district of Manila to celebrate her birthday. Anthology mebbe? I'm a bit excited now. =p

Something from Milla

"I'm standing in this place, here, in this exact place where we laughed so much and the way you said my name will echo always in my brain, the way you took my hand, so sure of this if nothing else, so sure that this was something to rely on with closed eyes because I told you, told you so many times how much I love you, this place is here still, it will never change for a hundred years, but we will have disappeared to God knows which dimension, which time, which space, among strangers who will say so many things to fill our ears. This exact place, I'm here! But none of that matters anymore, I see your shadow and I almost feel your face, it seems so strange that I can't just bring it back, trace your form on the walls and remind you of that time... I live among ghosts that walk around me carelessly, they speak of tenderness with their cold tongues, they entertain me daily, they sit daily with me, whispering my name just like you did and when I'm sure that this can't be, I can't have such vivid memories of things and they're just gone! If I stand here and scream till my soul catches fire, they will arrive, they must for they were here before, right here in this place where I stand now. I will wait."

Prophecy

I THINK I wrote these 6 years ago:

How did I end up here?

Things were perfect there for a while. Just us, the open road, and the deep blue sky overhead. We had such a clear sense of purpose. I felt like I was going somewhere; my movements had spirit, fire. The way you looked at me, like I was your fearless leader. I think we both knew I wasn't the one to guide, but I wanted to be, very much.

So when you weren't looking, I grabbed the map and struck off on my own. Those shortcuts you took gave me an idea. If I got to where we were going first, I could show you the way with perfect confidence. It would be a gift, like a bouquet of flowers that I had found and picked myself. And I thought I could see it too, just over the horizon: our destination.

But when I got there, it wasn't it. I hadn't found what we had been looking for at all. Somewhere I had taken a wrong turn. Even worse, when I turned around to apologise, you were nowhere to be seen. Frantically, I searched for the map, so I could find you again, but it was gone.

Now, I'm just scared. I've been wandering all over, drifting aimlessly. Floundering in liquid decisions, sinking in changing values, drifting past broken, useless signposts. What if I can't find you again? What if we were wrong, and there is no destination? Nah.

I've realized that I can't do it on my own, that I need help. I just need somewhere to ask for directions. I just need to swallow my pride and ask.

It used to be so easy. How did I end up here?

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Thinking about time

"At the time that I climb the mountain and cross the river I am there as that time. Time is not separate from me and if I am present then so too is time. Time does not wax and wane and so the time of climbing the mountain is the right now of being-time. If time does come and go you are the being of time. This is being-time. The time of climbing the mountains and crossing rivers swallows the time of resting in a vermilion palace. Presencing chews up that time and spits out this time."

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Chatting

We just finished talking on YM an hour ago and this is what I've been reduced to. Writing messages to a blank screen. Did you know that this is only the fourth time we've talked online in the months that we've known each other? Every occasion seems so full of promises that are never fulfilled. As usual, our conversation ended just as it was beginning. Why is it, that whenever the walls between us start to crumble, we are forced apart by some dangerous shut in with too much time on his hands? I love feeling that I may finally catch a true glimpse at your past; just the smallest glimmer of what made you the beautiful person that you are today, but I hate not being able to do so. Let me see over your wall. I promise I'll do everything I can not to hurt you. I just need to know that my hopes are not in vain. Give me even the slightest hint that my feelings are not just the product of wishcraft and I will be content. Hopefully one day I'll come out of our conversations with more answers than questions. Then again, these questions may be the very things which keep me in this painfully glorious state of perpetual anticipation.

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Tao

Ang tao para aso lang yan e. Pag bata ang cute! Pero pag matanda na, ang sarap sipain.

At heart

After so many years, I still believe in Communism. I've read various books and essays written by Marx and Engels, and it enlightened me to a point that shook my values, yes, including the terminal ones. Even though we are a family of Capitalists, I can't help but wonder: what if I became a catalyst for change? And what if these changes brought about by my actions made life better for the people? As of late, fate has been trying oh so hard to change the values that I hold so dear, but my will to restrain seems to prevail. Nevertheless, my resolve sometimes waver.

I've kept everything in a book, and it'll stay that way.

I never get tired of seeing, or being with you even if we see each other every day. Never do I tire listening to you, your raves and rants. Even though I seem to be your stress ball, I gladly accept that duty. I miss pinching your cheeks and holding your hands under the table. Gah! I've been missing you a lot lately. I'll look forward to seeing you in the following weeks.

That's the way it is

Looking back, I never thought that I'd be this nice. Looking back, I never thought that I'd never lose that trait which earned me that moniker that I so loved, but now lost. Though I long for those bygone days, I accept these changes.

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

We haven't spent any time for anything that involves us for a number of days now, I think it's been two weeks. And I'm starting to worry.

Abso-fucking-lutely

I've been frequenting my friends' establishment for almost a decade now, played Starcraft, Diablo II, RO, World of Warcraft and other games. Surfed alot there, and made tambay. I know that the only constant thing in the world is change but there seems to be another thing that never changes, THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KEEP ON PLAYING THE SAME FUCKING SHITTY SONG AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. Fuck you, you fucking cunts! There's such a thing as "hiya" and noise pollution. It's fucking okay if you play the damn song twice, but twenty-fucking-something? Gah! I force myself to ignore the music, the crappy music that you fucking play but what about the other people?

Ten years from now we'll still be on top, yo I thought I told you that we won't stop

A bard. A jack of all trades. That's how I see myself in terms of music. I don't particularly like a single genre(redundant? mebbe) rather, I see it as an appreciation of their varying art.

Crab mentality

I don't know why the hell we Flips are programmed to be like crabs? I think I can apply the laws of HR here in order to explain everything. Hmm, that'd be a good thesis subject: "Why are we like crabs? And should we put ourselves in a jar" Taba ng talangka. *YUM!*

Fade to black

Illidan down!

After more than a year of playing World of Warcraft, I finally did it! With the help of 24 other people, that is. A sweet victory. But what are we to do next? Eeeh, I still have like 3 moar months left on this account; should I play a new character or should I just leave it as it is? It's not that I don't wanna play WOW anymoar, I still do, but every week its the same shit. Eeeh, can I now set my eyes in Kil'jaeden? That'd be a longshot. All I wanted to do was kill Illidan. Now, his words are echoing in my mind: "What is the hunter without the hunted?"